I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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