Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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