I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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