mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
