They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
