Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
