Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
