1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a hot homeless man
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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