He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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