margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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