Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
True college students do jello shots in the library
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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