His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
