Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
