In the future we'll all be gay
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
