My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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