clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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