u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
