Cold hands, warm shart.
"it" just moved
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
