Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Randomize
