You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
