So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
