just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
