1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you inspire me to be a worse person
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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