FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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