you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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