So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wish there were birth control emojis
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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