so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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