So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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