I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
