It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
