I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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