I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
