wanna go halves on a baby?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
