Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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