Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
