i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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