if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You pole danced in your parka.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
