I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
