The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
how drunk are you?
Several
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
