At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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