i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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