puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
