does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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