I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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