how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
