I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
