i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
