just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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