It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize