I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
