Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
