I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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