The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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