wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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