grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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