He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
