Dual....:-)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize