oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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