and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you never un-have a 4some
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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