To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
