Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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