omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
