I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
