I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He shit in the fireplace
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
