I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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