Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
