I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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